The Lizzy Sue Litmus Test: Not Quite A Mary Sue But Sinking Fast.
(A quick guide to help you determine how obnoxious your Elizabeth Bennet really is.)
By Spring
We've all written some version of a Lizzy Sue. She's the one who can do everything better than anyone with a smile as sweet as honey and a rapier wit. She sings, draws, nets skreens, speaks German *and* French, plays beautifully, dances a tango, runs with the wolves, kills vampires, saves the world and balances the U.S. budget. But wait! There's a whole lot more! This isn't meant to be taken personally or even very seriously. However, if you do find yourself answering 'yes' to most of these questions you might want to stop and think about the story you're writing. Not everyone can write a good story and almost no one writes well the first time trying so don't get discouraged. It takes time and patience and, as Lady Catherine says about Elizabeth Bennet, '... she will never play really well, unless she practises more'. So take that good advice to heart and practice but in the mean time, you may want to take this test.
One point (unless otherwise specified) for each question you answer 'Yes' (If you answer 'technically yes, but...' it still counts and remember, this *is* for posterity so be honest.;)).
Section One: Nicknames, Personality and Looks
Names
- Does she have a cutsie new name like Elise, Ella, Elle, Liza or similar?
- Did you bother giving her a middle name?
- Did you spend more than a day looking for just the right one?
- Is it a male name or a derivative?
- Does it have an unusual spelling?
- Is it your name or a variation thereof?
- Do you plan on naming future children or pets either Elizabeth or by your chosen middle name?
- Do you plan on having your other characters call her by this middle name instead of her first name?
She's Got *bump* Personality!
- Does her laugh captivate hearts
- Can she rip someone to shreds with her wit in one second yet sooth it over with her manner and/or soft glance the next?
- In the first paragraph of the story?
- Does she have a flaw?
- Really? Not even one? (turn the test in now and step away from the fanfic)
- If she does have a flaw is it something that, when you think about it, really isn't a flaw at all?
- Is it mentioned in the first chapter?
- Does this tiny flaw never get on anyone's nerves
- Is the flaw a small beauty mark on top of her lip?
- Does she just happen to look exactly like Jennifer Ehle in the BBC adaptation?
- Is the flaw a small cosmetical scar that makes her face more interesting than if she didn't have it?
- Did she get this scar from fighting pirates?
- Defending Longbourn against attackers?
- Defending herself against attackers?
- Defending her sisters against attackers?
- Defending the attackers against Lydia?
- Does her vibrant personality win over even her most staunchest detractors? (This does not include Darcy, since that's the whole point of the original story)
- Does this include Lady Catherine?
- Does this include Caroline?
- Do her staunchest defenders including Darcy's Earlish uncle and his wife, who upon first sight of Lizzy, immediately takes her under their wing?
- Does a hush fall upon any room as she enters?
- Does she have an accent which you do not care to share?
- Or one that you share too much so that your readers cannot understand a single word she says?
About her 'fine eyes'
- Do they sparkle like the morning dew?
- Are her eyes captivating?
- The first time he sees her?
- Can he ever think of something to say when he's staring into them or does he just wind up inadvertently insulting her?
- Especially to Colonel Fitzwilliam?
- Will this become a plot point?
- Will it become a plot in a sequel you have planned for the future?
- Are they mesmerizing?
- Are they shining with good humor and wit?
- Are they limpid pools of unknown depth?
- Do they reflect hidden sorrows or anguish from the past?
- Do they hold secret promises yet to be fulfilled?
- Do they flash or change color when she's excited or emotionally unstable?
- Are they an unusual color for unknown reason
- Do you use chocolatey brown as a description?
- Do you mention her eyes in the first chapter?
- Everytime Darcy's around?
- Is her hair really really nice and you describe it in great detail.
- Her hair can be described as raven/jet black, firey red, soft waves of golden sunshine, pure white.
- Extra two points if it's all of the above without ever having been dyed.
- Does her hair happen to look remarkably like Jennifer Ehle's hair in the BBC adaptation?
- Did you know that she wore a wig?(no points)
- Has skin which is dramatically pale, dusky or golden.
- Blushes becomingly and is never splotchy.
- Is model thin yet has naturally large breasts resulting in the readers imagining a baseball bat with two cantaloupes taped to the top.
- Does she look like you? (4 points)
- Does she look like how you want to look if you had a magic wand?
Section Two: Hobbies and Career
Do her hobbies include any of the following:
- Wine tasting
- Playing chess
- Archery
- Jogging
- Painting, drawing or any other textual artistic expression?
- Riding horses
- Riding motorcycles
- Riding a unicycle
- Riding Darcy
- Listens to the same music as you.
- Listens to music that you think highly educated people listen to even though you can't stand that crap.
- Singing
- Slightly flawed but so charmingly that it endears listeners?
- Will it become part of the plot in a sequel you have planned?
- Will it charm the fall front breeches off Darcy?
- Will that become a part of the plot?
- Is the story rated over PG-13?
- If so will you send it to me?
- Playing the piano (Take one extra point for each additional instrument she plays)
- About the playing, does she play well?
- Slightly flawed but so charmingly that it endears listeners?
- Will this be a plot point?
- Will it be a plot point in a future sequel you already have planned?
In her work, does she:
- Work at all?
- Teach?
- Is she holding tenure at an unusually young age?
- Have two jobs yet still has time to hang out with her friends?
- Manage to pay rent on an impossibly large apartment in a wealthy neighborhood without seeming to have any job at any time ala Friends?
- And yet it's still stressed over and over with some amount of angst about how poor she is?
- Calculate quadratic equations without needing to show her work?
- Know everything about medicine but is not in the medical field or in med school?
- Is the story set in Regency times?
- Did she learn about this by a wise older teacher?
- Does she know all about medicinal herbs?
- Is the story set in Regency times?
- Did she learn about this by a wise older guru?
- Know everything about law but isn't a lawyer or a law student.
- Is the story set in Regency times?
- Did she learn by having to take over the running of Longbourn when she was at a very young age? (5 points)
- Speak a different language?
- Speaks them so well people can't tell that she's not a native speaker?
- Does she have the same job you have or have had?
- Does she have a really cool job that you wish you had or are planning on working when you grow up?
- Does she just have this job because it sounds like a cool thing to do but you really have no idea what it is that the job entails? (2 points)
- She's a royal
- But she didn't know it until after the story started.
- Are you planning on writing about it in a prequel?
- She does know about it but still insists on being 'normal like people' and refuses to act royally.
- She's President
- Of the United States (Or equivalent of another country.)
- Is head of country where women are normally oppressed
- Is an ethical CEO?
- Sits on the board of directors of *something*?
- Runs a camp for children?
- Runs a camp for refugees?
- Is a Survivalist
Does her job involve any or more of the following (1 point for every yes answer. No buts.):
- Carrying a weapon
- Tending to animals
- Dances professionally (striping counts)
- Pilot of an airplane
- Captain of a ship
- Captain of the Enterprise
- Either on sea or in space. (Take an extra four points if she does both)
- Working for NASA
- Working for the Starfleet
- Working with the Resistance
- With the French during WWII
- With the Rebels against the Dark Side
- Hunting vampires
- Hunting ghosts
- Leading a band of Merry Men or similar?
- Fighting crime
- In a spandex, butt-crack riding, cleavage revealing, skin-tight leotard
- And knee-high leather boots
- Fighting Darcy until she turns him to the forces of Good
- Was he eventually won over by her love?
- If not, will it be the plot of a sequel you plan on writing in the future?
- Is Darcy not really bad but only misdirecting his anger because of a past, life-changing event?
- For instance, a broken heart?
- Was Lizzy the one who did it?
- Are you planning on writing about it in a prequel?
- Martial arts
- Tracking tornadoes
- Tracking criminals
- Driving race cars or similar
- Circus work yet is not in the freak show
- Singing professionally
- Auto or airplane mechanics
- Saving the whales, the rain forest, spotted owls and other such activities
- Being a single mom
- Writing a novel
- Is she already published?
- Is she already wildly popular among readers?
- Is this how Darcy first falls in love with her?
- Telepathy or other paranormal trait
- Time travel
- Witchcraft
Section Three: Love is a Many Splendid Thing
- Do all who see her fall in love with her?
- Upon first laying eyes upon her face?
- From the other side of the subway, train or in a car passing by?
- Across a field full of wildflowers?
- After walking into the ladies room by accident?
- Does this turn into a battle between the two?
- Will Lizzy first choose the Colonel only to change her mind at the end but only after much angst and chest-beating?
- Does the Colonel give her up even though he truly loves her because he knows that she and Darcy belong with each other?
- Just for curiosity's sake, did you name the Colonel "Richard"?(no points, just curious)
- Does Darcy just *know* she's the one?
- Does Lizzy initially like Darcy only to change her mind then change it back again?
- Does she have a strong attraction to Darcy but insists that she doesn't like him?
- Will they have to hide their love from others?
Section Four: Plot? What's that?
- Do you introduce Lizzy in the first chapter?
- Do you even manage to adapt 'It's a Truth Universally Acknowledged...' in a way that puts Lizzy in the sentence?
- Does your story revolve around a song?
- Is the story based on a movie you just saw and thought how perfect it was for Lizzy and Darcy if only you get to write it first?
- Do you copy the movie line for line substituting only the characters' names? (If yes, turn in test now and back away from fanfic)
- Do you intend on 'torturing' your characters in order to get more responses from your readers? (turn in test now and back away from fanfic.)
- Do you have more than one cliffhanger per story?
- At the end of every chapter? (two points)
- Is she adopted?
- Is this revealed as the story progresses?
- Will it become part of the plot of a sequel or do you plan on writing the prequel in the future?
- Was she kidnapped as a child?
- Does she develop a friendship with a usually antagonistic or bad character?
- With Caroline but before the end of the story?
- Does Mrs. Bennet eventually realize that Lizzy was the best of her daughters after all?
- There's a case of mistaken identity.
- For some unfathomable reason Lizzy is able to do everything better than everyone else.
- Even when it's something in which he's an expert and she's only done once before or it's her first attempt.
- There's a minor problem that can be easily solved if the main characters didn't have the brain of a turnip.
- And there's also much agonizing over minor problem.
- Lizzy gets pregnant.
- One of her sisters gets pregnant.
- Darcy gets pregnant.
- Lizzy herself finds Lydia and pays off Wickham leaving Darcy doing nothing but standing around and staring out of a window.
- Someone who is not Lizzy is kidnapped.
- She's accused of a crime which she did not commit and is running from the Law.
- Darcy is the cop searching for her
- So she's searching for the real criminal
- Who is the cop searching for her
- Who is the cop searching for her
- She combines forces with Darcy to catch the real criminal
- Darcy is also looking for the real criminal because that person hurt his sister.
- You devote chapters upon chapters describing - in great detail - items of clothing that Lizzy wears and the other characters' reactions to them.
- She has a pet.
- Named after your child/pet or after a child/pet you plan on having in the future.
- Every so often do you put a message up threatening to take the story off just to generate a response?
- Do you try to find out who is reading your stories by randomly asking people in chat for advice about how the story should go next?
- Are you abnormally offended if someone gives you a negative review even if it's gently worded and has well-placed advice?
- Do you take it as a personal attack if someone doesn't like the way you wrote Lizzy?
- Do you send nasty emails to reviewers who don't like your story?(Turn in the test and back away from the fanfic. You obviously need to work on anger management.)
- Do you often pretend, just to yourself, that you are Lizzy?
- Do you get caught at it sometimes?
- Do you plan on writing more stories about Pride and Prejudice even though, really, it's the same story over and over again?
- Because Lizzie&Darcy R like So Kewl, my Peeps! ThR the G8est and I'm telling U now Dude they Rox
(c) 2002 Copyright held by the author.